One of Your Bridesmaids Said No, is That the End of Your Relationship with Them?
You’ve just experienced one of the most special moments in life, and you said yes. While your mind may be reeling right now, between your wedding venue, what wedding dress you will wear, and who will be in your bridal party, a wrench has been thrown into your plans and now you have a dilemma. First things first, take a deep breath, you will get through this. A wedding is made up of so many elements and although one of your bridesmaid choices has just told you no, it is not the end of the world. The best advice is to have an open conversation with this friend or family member. It is perfectly okay to ask why they said no, but know that you may not get an answer, or it may not be the answer you wanted. Here are some possible scenarios.
Bridesmaids Budgets Can Be Hefty
In case you were unaware, being a bridesmaid can get really pricey. Depending on where this individual is financially in their life, they just may not be capable of taking on more of a financial burden. But if they are a close friend and it is just about finances maybe they’d be willing to help and be supportive throughout the wedding planning process. Count on them to be there for planning, creating DIY projects, creating bookings, and making tough decisions; they are there for anything that won’t weigh down their pockets. If money is the reason they said no, you should be able to understand that, and having the conversation about it could easily be what keeps them in your life and saves the relationship.
Being Part of the Squad is a Commitment
Another reason they may have told you no is that they truly just don’t have the time. Planning a wedding can take months, and your bridesmaids are with you every step of the way; from beginning to end and sometimes beyond. It is a huge time commitment and you really only want those who are committed in your squad. Perhaps this individual just got a new job or promotion, maybe they’ve got kids with busy schedules, or a partner that is kind of needy. Whatever the reason, they know they won’t be reliable, and that is an important piece of being a great bridesmaid. If this is the reason, they told you no, thank them, because they probably just saved you from a disaster. Friendship saved!
They Need to be Emotionally Available
Lastly, this individual and yourself may not be that close anymore, or they’re not that happy for you (awkward). And if we’re being honest with ourselves, a wedding has too much going on to toss in the mending of a broken relationship. Be respectful of the fact that they decided not to take away from your special day, and what matters most in a wedding (you and your groom). If an estranged relationship was the deciding factor in their rejection of your bridesmaid proposal, understand that this just wasn’t the right time. But maybe you can suggest patching things up in a different way and at a different time, after all, you wouldn’t want a bad apple in your bridal party.
One important thing to remember is to not forget to be real with your emotions and treat yourself kindly. At the end of the day, no one likes to be told no, and it is 100 percent acceptable to be hurt or upset about that. What you don’t want to do is make this a bigger problem; luckily receiving this answer doesn’t hold many consequences in the bigger picture of your wedding! The most it will do is make you have an uneven number of bridesmaids to groomsmen, or you’ll just have to ask someone else.
Understand as a bride that your loved ones are allowed to say no, that you can definitely remain friends after they’ve said no, and that it probably isn’t your fault. For a potential bridesmaid, the decision to say no as hard as it was for you to hear, and it may not have been an easy one for them to tell you. It is recommended to open a dialogue about the decision and just ask why, there may be a valid reason that you completely respect. Everybody understands this is a special day for you, and in making sure your day goes as planned they may not want to be the reason it gets ruined.
Selecting a bridesmaid can be a tough decision, to make sure you get it right check out The Ultimate Guide to Choosing the Best Bridesmaid.
Photo by Alice Alinari
Photo by Omar Lopez