The Bride’s Survival Guide: Important Questions To Ask Before Marriage
While your wedding day is a particular time that you will dress in your dream wedding dress, it is just a weekend of your marriage. A relationship that is going to survive the various flows and ebbs of life is built on trust, honesty, love, and kindness. It also requires consistent and open conversation, where both parties feel heard, appreciated, and celebrated in equal measures.
If you want your marriage to stand the test of time, you have to be aligned on the most important beliefs and values, allowing you to have a united front, no matter the circumstances. That is why it is recommended to have discussions geared towards marriage and ensuring you ask questions that are relevant before your wedding.
By answering the most important questions before your wedding celebration, you will be able to get a better understanding if you are on the same page or not. And if you are not, how you need to iron the issues out before you start your marriage journey together.
- Do you need children?: While there are a variety of areas that you might feel comfortable to compromise on, such as choosing a house that is few miles from your preferred neighborhood, decisions about having kids is not something easy to compromise on. That is why it is essential to select a partner who shares with you your family planning goals.
It can be a shock and even lead to a breakup when you realize after your wedding that you are not on the same page with your partner on this particular topic. You must talk about this and be honest and transparent with each other on the subject regarding children in your marriage.
- What about beliefs and thoughts regarding financial management?: In most divorces, differences or conflicts related to finances tend to be the cause. Though money matters are not something that most people can discuss freely, you as partners should feel empowered in speaking candidly and openly regarding all issues related to finances and mostly, before you get married.
It includes, but is not limited to, spending, saving debt, retirement goals, and much more. It would help if you did not concentrate on small things regarding finances. Most conflicts arise due to details such as the day to day expenditures. The key is not about agreeing on everything but be free to express yourself to your partner and not be ready to hear the side of your partner. It is about creating a safe place where you can discuss anything.
- What is your support network?: Though romantic and fairytales comedies seem to send a message that, after you are married, your partner is your everything, that is not true in reality. No one person can fulfill all your wish and whim. Apart from being self-aware of all your needs, you need to foster and build a community. It is not only for yourself but for your relationship.
It does not mean you and your partner should tag on friends and ensure that it is even; instead, it is all about each partner having the feeling that they have the necessary support.
One of you might be introverted and have a few friends. One of you might be a super introvert and quickly recharges with those around them. Whatever the support network works, there should be a satisfying sense instead of feeling despair because if that is the case, then the relationship will feel imbalanced.
- Do you need to follow a religion? Which one?: Some people build their lives around a religion while others don’t feel the need to. It doesn’t matter whether you decide that you are going to follow the same belief when you understand where you currently stand, will make it possible to ensure that you have a happy marriage. Having a misalignment can be a cause for a breakup for some people, but not all.
Both of you need to see if your partner could agree on this or could co-exist or let go of the religion of one another or do without faith if there is a big difference. If the clash is significant or very uncomfortable for both or either of you, religion issues might be something that you might not compromise on and might be hard to resolve.
- What expectations do you have with your families?: You might be coming from a family which is close-knit, joining together frequently, but what if your partner? How close do they bond with their family? Since everyone has a different experience, you should explore questions like:
- What do you expect about your relationship concerning other members of your immediate family as well as the extended family?
- How do you expect your partner to interact with your family?
- What do you imagine the relationship with your partner with your mother to be like? What do you expect to be the relationship with your partner with your father? What of your siblings?
Checking out, describing and exploring the ideal of the hopes you have for the relationships with the in-laws to be like, will help in ensuring to put expectations that are unspoken out on the table. Knowing the nuances of the ideas might help keep the expectations attainable and realistic. Some things are worse in marriage when you feel that you cannot meet your partner’s expectations or cannot please your spouse.
- How do you envision your spouse’s role?: When you join in marriage, you bring with you your beliefs, baggage, expectations, and values. But how you place your spouse might not be the same way you put your partner before the marriage. It would help if you explored this topic before getting married. You have to find out how your spouse views the finances, division of labor, and family obligation that you divide amongst yourself. You will need to have a clear understanding of whether or not you are going to fulfill the role and vice versa successfully.
Knowing what to expect in marriage before your wedding will ensure that you have a blissful married life. Check the ultimate bride’s survival guide for more advice.
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